No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize