You're my little dorito
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
