Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
