he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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