but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
