So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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