Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
