I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
