Will you blow on my dice?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
