she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
