anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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