The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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