my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
