i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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