This girl is more easily done than said...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
