I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
