I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
