So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
