Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
