On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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