everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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