I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize