I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
