I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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