would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
