Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
