Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
