So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
