I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
