I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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