I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
