I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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