capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
