My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
