Christians are straight up FREAKS
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
