Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
