Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
