and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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