we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
