Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
