i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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