Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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