chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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