It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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