Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
