sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
