Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
