There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
