he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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