apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
