wrigley field is MILF paradise
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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