paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
