You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Girls should come with a carfax report
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
