Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
