i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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