I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
