Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
