I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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