I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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