whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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