Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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