i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
