if you like me you must not know who I am
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
