Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
