remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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