Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize