Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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