Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
