his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
