It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
