is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
