I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize