I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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